these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
