Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
