what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
