ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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