I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
