so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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