We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
