If i come over, it means nothing
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
True strength comes from lack of pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
