this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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