this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
