At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
whose ass print is on the piano?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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