some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
