Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I just sharted jello shots
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
