I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
