there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
