You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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