No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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