I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
