No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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