plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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