I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
