but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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