If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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