You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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