I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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