Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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