i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
