I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
