Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
