You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
