Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
