I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
