why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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