My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
