The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
