life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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