If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
