but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
