My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They have beer where we have blood.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
