Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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