It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
