Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
