I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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