Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
