So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
