I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I could make wine with my vomit
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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