So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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