Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had to cum in my sink.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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