If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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