he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no you cant smoke seaweed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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