I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
