Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
