I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
