I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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