R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
